SHANTERTAINMENT

The Globes

Thank God it’s back! I love the Golden Globes: booze-filled, non-sensical but with occasionally amazing outfits. And oh yeah - awards! Here are my thoughts.

The Winners – Maybe I’m just paying a little less attention than usual, but I feel like there are a few less foregone conclusions than we have had in the last few years. And I love getting to the Oscars and not knowing for sure what’s going to happen.

Best Actor – I’m officially on board the Mickey Rourke comeback train. I love a good underdog story of redemption, and he’s just the right mix of contrite and deserving...yet eccentric enough to keep you on the edge of your seat. And his speech was far more interesting than most of what we’ve seen.

Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress – The Globes did Kate Winslet no favors last night! I believe that everyone likes Kate Winslet and wants her to win an Oscar. Probably more than they want, say, Anne Hathaway, with her terrible brides movies, too prominent features and terrible terrible taste in men, to win an Oscar. But whenever there’s a double nominee, the voters need some signal to tell them which of the two awards the nominee should win.  By winning both, voters didn’t get that signal at all, which may result in split vote mayhem and yet another Lucci situation for Kate.  Her hope at this point is that they ignore The Reader and just give her the one best actress nomination so she doesn't split her votes. All that said – the speeches. I don’t understand how she couldn’t pull it together. It was borderline distressing for the second award. My only hope is that she was hammered because after winning the first time she decided no way she was winning both, let loose and started slamming tequila shooters.  Either way, both of the speeches were not what I expected – too emotional, without focus and filled with awkward pauses. There were two things that were great though – 1. she is so in love with Leo. I don’t blame her, but it's a little obvious, and kind of sad when her seemingly septegenerian husband has to look on.  And – 2. She dissed Angelina so hard! Whether she meant to or not. And Angie no likey. Loved that!

Supporting Actor – Look, I’m not heartless. But it’s been almost a year since Heath Ledger died. And while his performance was amazing in the Dark Knight, it bothers me a bit that there is not another option out there. Has anyone else even ever had a chance at this? All I know is that by the time the Oscars roll around I’ll be glad to see the last standing ovation so that everyone can really move on.

Best Picture – I’m super behind. I’ve only seen Benjamin Button. I will get up to speed, but one thing is clear: Slumdog Millionaire has to be #1 on my list.

The Clothes

Yay! Some really horrendous ass-y looking clothes, for the first time in a long time! Thank you Renee Zellwegerfor showing up looking totally ridiculous! Cut out shoulders? With blonde tendrils atop the head? Disastrous. Did we learn nothing from Gwyneth Paltrow's early 2000's cutlet crisis? If her Alexander McQueen/french braids outfit taught us anything, its that black mesh should never combine with a nude bodice. Ever!

Also disastrous? Whatever terrible wig shop Drew Barrymore stopped by on her way to the show. Her hair was so bad that it is truly impossible to notice how truly ethereal  and pretty that dress was.  Also making it even harder to see Drew's dress was her odd handholding attachment to Jessica Lange, who rocked an older look but shouldn’t be sporting a belted waist at this stage.

Not quite rocking an older look: Glenn Close. How horrible was that pantsuit? The gold brocade jacket was so boxy and old lady looking. And pegged gold pants? It was all without redemption, but making it worse was her hair color. Such a platinum, nearly white color with such an old lady outfit? This is much closer to Blanche Devoraux than the snazzy professional lady she’s been playing on Damages. (Although even Blanche would not sport that Sophia-esque hair color.)

Another fashion don’t: Debra Messing. That terrible ponytail didn’t distract enough from the dress. The halter was so thick and 80s, and it made her flat ness more prounounced than usual. (Also more pronounced -- her nose with that make up job).

Angelina – thanks for gracing us with your presence. But wearing the same boring shapeless silhouette, again, and the nude color, it’s like you can’t even be bothered with it. And we are so over you.

Then there’s J Lo. I really liked La Lopez’s get up…in 2000, when we first saw it. I fear that she thought Ben A. was going to pull up in his Bentley time machine and whisk her away from her tired life with Marc Anthony. She may even have settled for P Diddy and the built in excitement of gun charges in exchange for a  yacht emblazoned with Louis Vuitton logos. But, lo siento La Lopez, too much time has passed.

Looking better, in my opinion, was Kate Beckinsale. I loved the structure of the white dress and she rocked it. Also rocking white in a very non-bridal way was Eva Mendes. I loved the turquoise necklace and the surprising bow at the side.  Finally, Sandra Bullock’s dress flowed so well and fit her like a glove. I can’t pick a winner in white because they were all so pretty. (I was less enamored of Salma Hayek's white, I thought it was too tight and not that interesting.) 

Red was gorgeous but sort of boring on Eva Longoria. I liked Kyra Sedgwick’s version better, with the structured bubble train. It doesn’t hurt that she’s got such a fabulous bod.

I couldn’t get over the great blue dress on Jennifer Morrison, it might just be my favorite. Her House co-star Olivia Wilde took a risk in the pink poof, and she wore it well. I liked Cameron’s bright pink, which created a perfect beach-y vibe in contrast with the black/white/nude business of everyone else.

Young Miley Cyrus was age appropriate and pretty for the teen set. I wasn’t so keen on Hayden Panettiere and her boring boob-squashing strapless.

As for the men – loved the gray ties on Rainn Wilson and Keifer Sutherland. Collin Farrell continues to clean up well.  And McDreamy remains so even if his show is totally over. But – you know it’s coming – there’s only one Leo. Made for the cut of a tux, the man simply can’t be beat.

Quick Run Down of my Awards:

Best Dressed: Jennifer Morrison and Eva Mendes

Worst Dressed: Renee Zellweger. No competition.

Best Dressed Man: Leonardo Dicaprio

Worst Dressed Man: Ashton Kutcher

Worst Facial Hair: Sting

Sexiest Woman: Megan Fox and Beyonce

Most Likely to Have Shopped at David’s Bridal: Christina Applegate

Most Likely to Have NO Innate Fashion Sense: Jenna Fischer

Most Disappointing: Amy Adams

Most Improved: Evan Rachel Wood

Most Inappropriate Dress for Someone Without Cleavage: Tina Fey

Pointiest Rack: America Ferarra

Squashiest Rack: Hayden Panettiere

Most Disturbingly Bouyant Rack: Miley Cyrus

Needed One More Inch in the Dress (or one more pre-show colonic): Blake Lively

Best Speech: Tracy Morgan

Worst Speech: Kate Winslet

Worst Hair: Drew Barrymore

Look That I Should HATE but Don’t: Marisa Tomei

Biggest Red Carpet Waste of Time: Rumer Willis

Worst Sense of her Own Coloring: Rumer Willis

Strangest Comment: "I am a tranny." Megan Fox

The New Niner

     I sort of love the new niner. At first I was very "Scarlett" about the whole issue -- not going to see or even talk of this foolishness created by imposters. But then Jennie Garth got involved. And I really love me some Kelly Taylor. So I become cautiously interested and optimistic. I tried to ignore the Tori drama and didn't really believe that Brenda could be back. Mostly, I was happy that Joe E. Tata would live to act another day. Then I read the Entertainment Weekly cover story with Jennie and Shannen, and I got butterflies remembering how much I loved 90210 and -- could it really be back???

The answer: sort of. First I'll review as if it's nothing more than a Gossip Girl clone. And in that respect, it's pretty good. The leads are pretty likable, Annie is darling and Dixon will probably be OK. Rob Estes and Lori Laughlin are two favorites. Lucille Bluth? Duh. Silver is cute but the blog will get annoying. Only complaints are that there are not truly hot studly guys and Naomi is not really that pretty, is she? Or is she? I can't tell. But I liked it. And it moves like 90210 on crack. There were 5 very special episodes worth of crap going on there last night -- stealing drug money, cheating boyfriend, adopted adult children, trips to san fran, grandma's in car accidents, cheating on papers ... and the pranks!

But as an update of the real Niner? It did OK there too. I actually like that the old references are mixed casually with the new. Yes, I get that they don't want to give us all the information because they want to keep us guessing (who's the father of kelly's baby? where is everyone else??). But it's sort of been natural and cute. I don't mind the cheesy-ness of the Nat / Brenda reunion. And I LOVE that Silver ends up being Erin Silver. Because - duh! (And I also love the random insert of Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez, though am perplexed about how Jesse and Andrea are still in Beverly Hills. They are both from the other side of the tracks!)

Basically, the show did what it needed to do--it got me interested enough in these kids' stories that I'll keep coming back for more, and it hasn't made me angry with the treatment of the older folks either. (but who is the father of kelly's baby? and where is everyone else? -- these better be handled with care.)

Next week: Jackie! Yay!

Renny on Big Brother is Dumb. And I'm Surprised. What does that say about me?

 Renny is really stupid. She wants April out of the house. Everyone else wants April out of the house. It was an easy week with a no brainer vote for everyone. After last week, she had basically fallen into a pretty decent little alliance. True, they would turn on her first, but she also has fewer enemies in either camp and wouldn’t be a target for anyone. All she had to do was nominate April and Ollie and pretend she was with her alliance, and she’d get out pretty scott free. Instead, she asserted her independence by teasing that

Memphis

or Dan could go home; telling Dan repeatedly that she “likes Ollie”; and just basically refusing to let them think that they had any sway over her. Honestly even if she wanted to put Jerry up instead of Ollie, she could have given a good reason for it not alienated her “alliance” by just pretending she cared what they thought.

 

Where did this woman get the idea that independent thought is a virtue in this game?? You can have it, but why the hell demonstrate it when you want people to trust you?

 

Beyond that, you don’t use your time as HOH to try and build alliances (Michelle). People will tell you anything then – you have all the power!  

 

So now –

Memphis

, Dan and Keesha basically won’t trust her and

Memphis

and Dan actually have reason to think they should vote her out. And the end result is the EXACT same – April will be gone. Only now she doesn’t have as good of friends as she had before and has made herself a target when she truly didn’t need to do so! (And she thinks she was “shaking things up”. Ridiculous!)

Reality Really Does Bite

In college there were a couple of movies that got played on my roommate and I’s TV over and over and over again. And while Point Break never loses it charm, I’m afraid Reality Bites isn’t holding up very well. I’m the first to admit it was always flawed and featured way too much pontificating, but the great lines and Ethan Hawke  “All I Want is You” lovefest made it a bit of a masterpiece. Unfortunately I recently stumbled upon Reality Bites on a Saturday night, and the results weren’t pure joy.

At first I thought that it was just dated, because let’s face it, the clothes and pop culture reference were jarringly 90s. But unfortunately it’s more than that.

Winona -- First off, Winona Ryder is really irritating. I don’t think that it has always been so, but I’m not committed enough to do the deeper research required to decide. (If anyone else wants to take on a 90s Netflix night of Mermaids, Dracula and Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael, go for it.) But in Reality Bites, she’s got this quirky delivery and her line readings fall totally flat. Like maybe things are supposed to be jokes but aren’t? She’s kind of bad.

The Whining -- Beyond Winona, all these characters are really irritating. In between all the funny quotable lines is this angsty drama that’s super lame. I mean maybe it is just me, but I don’t remember looking longingly into the sky because I was so worried about AIDS throughout 1993.  And while I was saddened of Robert Reed’s death, his dying of AIDS didn’t signify the end of my innocence like it seemingly did for this melodramatic group of idiots. And it’s not just the AIDS worry. It’s the whiny what am I going to do with my life of it all that, on the other side of 30, I have zero patience for.  About five minutes in I wanted to shake all of these people and tell them to get a fucking job and quit their complaining. (The whole portrayal of post-college ambivalence was really embarrassing to me. God forbid some future generation rents this movie and thinks it represents my youth.)  The stealing of the dad’s gas card money no longer seems clever. It seems like a spoiled little brat move by someone who was too entitled to take a job at the Gap. It didn’t just annoy me, it pissed me off. And then feeling this way…well it made me feel very old and uncool. And I was watching TBS all alone on a Saturday night. I didn’t need more help in that department.

Troy -- But that isn’t even the most disappointing thing about re-watching Reality Bites.  The worst part is that I’m so far on the other side I can no longer even SEE the appeal of Ethan Hawke’s Troy. (I say Troy, because as a lover of Before Sunrise and even more, Before Sunset, I still get why we had it for Ethan in general.) But TROY – Troy is the guy you dated that was so cool back then, but now you look back and just can’t understand what you were thinking. The greasy hair, the too-cool-to-shower, condescending I’m smart because I’m literary, I don’t need a real job and in fact will continue to get fired for stealing snickers because I’m such a rebel guy. What then was intriguing and hot, now just screams LOSER at the top of its lungs. The Other Guy in this scenario of course is Ben Stiller’s Michael, who’s positioned as sell-out corporate schmuck because he has a nice car, can afford plane tickets and has a real job – but listens to crappy music. Was that what we were supposed to think? Because all I thought was, this guy’s got it together, and every diatribe against him and his actual JOB makes this Troy character even less appealing. I know – that was the point of the movie: smart choice versus dumb one but it is what’s in your heart matters etc. But I don’t buy it. I just don’t buy for one second that anyone would choose Troy, who again, wasn’t that cute because he probably SMELLED and – oh by the way – was also a total dick, over Michael. Or that I would have actually rooted for her to choose Troy. But I know I did back in the olden days of loving this movie. 

I know, I’m being pretty hard on the movie and there are still some great things about it. Steve Zahn, PFLAG, “All I Want is You,” In Your Face TV, and even David Spade, etc.…but I’ll never watch it and love it again, except with nostalgia for the younger me that wouldn’t have been mad at the slackers for calling the psychic friends network and then charging it to daddy. That kind of makes me sad.

Summertime Blues

TV is slim pickins these days. But here’s what I’m watching:

-          Instant Star. I am a sucker for this stupid show on The N. (formerly of Noggin, now it’s its own channel just for teens!) Instant Star follows Degrassi and is Canadian. It’s a half hour of pure cheese about a teen American Idol like pop sensation and her ups and downs with her hot producer, former boy-bander little Tommy Q. I own two soundtracks and can’t wait for the season four version to come out. I’m a total nerd.

-          Nashville Star. I love Jewel and hate John Rich and the other guy most the time. Billy Ray Cyrus makes Ryan Seacrest look like a genius. And these performers have no polish whatsoever. But I like the country tunes and I kind of enjoy that they may come out and sound like crap. And some of them are really likable!

-          House. I’m in reruns of House because I missed it during the season. I see why people thought it was a little crowded, but only three episodes in, I am enjoying the new cast of characters.

-          Greek. Well I was watching it but it’s already done for the summer. How disappointing. Because it brings me a lot of joy.

-          Battlestar Galactica. My attention is waning. I hate to say it, but it’s true. But we’re so close to the end I’m committed. Make it worth my while!!

-          The News and The Weather Channel. Not a lot, but way more than I used to. See why I’m feeling so old? No wonder I counter it with The N.

I can’t wait for Mad Men to start – late July. And I will watch more Kathy Griffin.  But summer TV is bad!

 

Teens Aren’t That Dumb, Are They?

It is not Jamie Lynn’s fault. Or Ashlee’s. Or Juno’s.  Or even Nicole Richie’s. If your daughter, who is a freshman in high school, enters a pregnancy pact with her friends, then sleeps with a 24-year-old homeless man to get knocked up, it is your fault. Just yours.

I Apologize

While I stand by my assertion that Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds were not a match in the old looks department, I apologize.  What if in some late night google-session, Ryan read that and decided to dump Alanis and go for ScarJo? I feel terrible. Especially after listening to the new album. It’s sad. But so good!  So then maybe for the greater good of the world I’m not that sorry? …. No, I’m sorry. It was mean to say and I forget that I wield such massive power here. And Alanis – you look really hot in the promo shot in Entertainment Weekly. If nowhere else. – God, I can’t be stopped!

ESPN Sucks and Disney is Bad

 

I think it is crap that a very big conglomerate like ESPN, owned by Disney, will not let me out of being a damn ESPN Insider and keeps taking my money. I don’t care if it’s only $20 per year, short of canceling my debit card, I’m not sure what to do. Unlike any other decently run business site, which offers an unsubscribe feature on the site, ESPN makes you call a number, which then is basically an answering machine in a warehouse in New Jersey with no real people to actually let you cancel. Does Disney need my money so bad they need to resort to this? I expect it from some shady company selling fake Prada. ESPN? Should know better.  ESPN: You are SHADY. And it pisses me off. The Sporting News has better content anyway. And stop killing trees to send me your stupid short-attention span ESPN Magazine. 

Charlize is Pretty.

But what the hell has she been in? The other night at dinner we were trying to come up with examples beyond Monster. We got The Legend of Bagger Vance and The Italian Job. That’s it. Pretty sad right? We also came up with Arrested Development – not sad, genius.  I’m sure there’s more but I haven’t looked into it yet. I’m mostly writing this so I can show this picture of her in this pretty dress. By the way -- she’s going to be in Hancock. Did you know that?

 

 

Always Check the Background

 I’m in PR. I get that the background of the TV shot is just as important as what’s being said. And with an absurd number of people still thinking Barak Obama is a Muslim, I understand the impulse to not let the women with scarves sit behind him on TV. Of course, I also wouldn’t have let these texting Abercrombie frat boy douches stand behind him to personify the young voter ready for change. But that’s just me.