SHANTERTAINMENT

Three Topics I Have Zero Interest In Right Now

AKA – why I haven’t done more than skim most stories lately.

 

1. U2 “No Line on the Horizon” – To clarify, I plan to buy it, listen to it and love it. But I have no interest in reading about it. I don’t want to read about Bono and how his do-gooding is impacting his music. I don’t care what Time magazine deems “necessary” vs. “crap” in the U2 oeuvre. And I really hate reading about songs that I haven’t heard yet…it’s as unsatisfying and pointless to me as “judging” the dishes on Top Chef when you can’t taste them. So I continue ignoring all these stories.

 

2. Jimmy Fallon – I don’t know why got to this point in pop culture where media and bloggers seem to have a deep seeded hatred of Jimmy Fallon. I don’t remember it existing when he was on SNL. And the sheer act of starring in a bad taxi movie with Queen Latifah shouldn’t have done it. So seriously, what else has he done to make everyone hate him so much? He has sort of fratty hair, but so does Andy Samberg and we don’t hate him. And he seems much less dick-ish than Seth Myers to me. He got married to Drew Barrymore’s friend, but who cares? Is it just the fact of him getting a show that pissed people off? I guess either way, I don’t really care. I’m perplexed by this, but not enough to read anything about Jimmy Fallon. All of the press on him for his new show is just one more topic that I gloss over regardless.

 

3. The Watchmen. – Maybe I’ll see it someday, but I have no interest in reading about its legal woes or how I should be excited to see it on the big screen.

 

From Hero to Zero

OK, calling Jason the Single Dad from “The Bachelor” a hero to begin with is a stretch. But we can all agree that he did not show the potential for douchey-ness that he ended up displaying at the conclusion of this season of the show.  He SEEMED like a nice guy, a bit of a cheese ball maybe, but a harmless, overly-emotional nice guy. But he wiped away two seasons worth of good will by pulling this “After the Final Rose” stunt.

First off, even after watching every episode of the show this season, neither of these two girls totally won me over. By the end, I liked both of them OK and truly didn’t care who he picked.  I felt a few weeks ago that he liked Melissa the best, and she is sweet and likable. And meanwhile Molly blended into the woodwork with a passion-free existence. Molly came on strong at the end and I believe that Jason was really torn about her – that he was surprised that he liked her so much since he was just keeping her around because she’s pretty. But whatever – this is a rare “Bachelor” case where I wasn’t truly rooting for one girl over another.

So, he picked Melissa. And her reaction was weird and fake and immediately it seemed odd (and the foreshadowing editors gave us way more Molly sadness than Melissa happiness, so that helps.) He got home, regretted it, wanted to take the ring back and have another chance with Molly. I’m still on board with all of this. It’s reality TV – it happens!

What I’m NOT on board with is the decision to call the producers, tell them he wants to change his mind and “psst, don’t tell Melissa – I’d rather tell her on air.” It is right here that Jason goes from being a nice single dad who’s willing to exploit his son on-air to find love and get famous, to total Ass Hole. Now I know that these girls sign up for public humiliation in exchange for the right to show the world how great they look in bikinis. Most of them keep up their end of the bargain well – frolicking in hot tubs, arguing with one another and then weeping about aging ovaries in the limo. That’s the bargain, they know it, we know it, everyone accepts it. But Melissa came to that post-show thinking she was engaged…having lived in secret with her fiancé and never actually been in public with him, she was probably excited to tell the world her good news and start having a normal relationship. But instead, he threw her under the bus big time. And why?? The one thing Chris Harrison never asked (and we’ll get to Chris in a moment) – why didn’t you just tell her two weeks ago, break up with her and come here together to tell us this news? If you are such a great guy?? Why do you have to do this on TV? And don’t give me this about “living life without regrets,” it makes me physically ill.

So then, there’s Molly. Who (taken at face value) was very surprised by all this and starts by asking “What about Melissa?” I was proud of her for those 30 seconds that she worried about his fiancé left in the dust, and for a moment I liked Molly. Then she said, what the hell, it’s a competition and I guess I won! And decided to fall back in love. At the very least, question the motives of why dumping Melissa had to take place on air, Molly! But no, she just embraced and looked at him wide-eyed with her ridiculous headband hair do and then it was over.

So here are my lingering questions:

-         Melissa, I know you supposedly didn’t know this was coming, but even in shock, why on earth would you give back that ring, which the cheap-ass didn’t buy himself anyway, Neil Lane supplied it?? At least keep the ring, Sweetie. And please, please resist the temptation to become the next Bachelorette. Please.

 

-         Chris Harrison – are you pleased with yourself? You are complicit in this. Yes there are producers but we don’t know who they are. We know you. We LIKE you. We TRUST you, Harrison. To look with sympathy on the fallen bachelorettes, to tell us when it is indeed the final rose, to warn us not to miss the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever. That trust is broken, now that we’ve seen you invite Melissa out, then Molly, asking leading questions before whamming them with the truth. I am disappointed.'

 

-         Molly – have you no pride? I hope when you see that the world does not love your bachelor anymore, you will turn away as well. You deserve better. You’re very pretty, despite your abnormally chubby cheeks last night and the horrible hair choice you made.

 

-         Jason – can you please stop insulting us by implying this was the only way you could follow your heart and just admit that you wanted to be famous, let the producers talk you into being a dick and didn’t give it a second thought? Whether it was recent or from the beginning, you gave away your right to believe you are a decent human being by being part of this.

 

-         Producers – I am choosing not to believe the Us Weekly story from last week that stated that you were flying Molly out to see Jason on Melissa’s off weekends, and that the switcheroo was the plan from the beginning. Mostly because if I believe that then I’ll be the biggest sucker ever.

As for tonight’s show – is he proposing to Molly? And how do I stop myself from watching since I really don’t want to be a part of this anymore!!??

Movie Review Haiku

The Wrestler

Devastating, Rourke.

Breaks your heart and makes you cringe.

More impact than most.

 

He's Just Not That Into You

All you will find are

Cliches and embarrassment.

Love this kinda crap.

 

Milk

Story hits the heart.

Relevant but a little

history lessonish.

Slumdog Millionaire

Exhilerating.

Music and fast cuts make this

Seem like a wild ride.

 

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

A movie almost

As long as his life story.

Pretty but no love.

 

Doubt

ACTORS! take the stage.

Pompous with no small gestures.

Too bad, potential.

 

 

Oscars!!

Finally! They finally made some changes that made the Oscars actually fun to watch again. I have to admit,  I was not initially sold on Hugh Jackman. I figured at best he’d be a cuter version of Crystal. At worst, he sing and dance his way into Rob Lowe/Snow White territory. I generally appreciate the snarky comedians who make fun of the proceedings while appreciating the beauty of the ladies and joking about how long the show would be. But in the past few weeks I started buying what Jackman was selling: maybe it was possible to actually celebrate movies and not make fun of them. Maybe it would be more accessible to be a cheeseball movie lover than a sarcastic liberal comedian? So I went into last night hopeful that at least it wouldn’t be disastrous. And I’d say it was anything but. I whole-heartedly enjoyed his goofy opening number and liked his good-natured chatting with the stars. He made everyone around him seem nice and open – Anne Hathaway was more charming than I’ve seen her in a while. Frankly, I thought he was great.

In fact, I found the whole show charming and easy to watch. The five different actors/actresses presenting the actor awards was a great idea, and mixed oldies with today’s stars very nicely. Yes, the individual nominee intros teetered on the overly pretentious side, but they were fun to listen to and most of the winners seemed genuinely moved to hear their speech. It also made me feel better for people like Viola Davis, Melissa Leo, Richard Jenkins and Frank Langella, who had no hope of winning the award. At least they had a short moment in the sun so the night was not completely anti-climatic for them.  It also added a nice dramatic moment when unveiling the five presenters for each…I don’t know if they can get away with this every year, but this year it worked.

I also liked having just 1-2 presenters give out many of the more boring awards, things moved much faster. And even if I didn’t really care for the whole “movie making process” lesson, grouping the awards together into chunks made it seem more palatable.

I’m always a big fan of the movie montage when they are done sensibly and well. Finally this year’s seemed cohesive – it’s about celebrating the year at the movies. That made the love, comedy and action montages all filled with recent and interesting clips that actually went together in a little narrative. I know – it seems like a minor point, but it’s amazing how the Oscars rarely get the montages right! This year, they did.

On the NOT so good side, why have all the musical pieces at once? The score section is always boring, there’s nothing you can do about it. Why bring the songs down with it by lumping them all together? Then there’s the Beyonce musical interlude. Baz Luhrmann hasn’t had a great year, K? This was just a boring hodge podge of songs that didn’t make any sense. Throwing Zac and Vanessa and the Mamma Mia’rs without introduction or focus just seemed out of place.

As for the winners? I was sad for Mickey Rourke, Sean Penn will have a million more chances and I’m not sure Mickey will, though he was so amazing. Similarly, was rooting for Marissa Tomei (a second one can’t be a mistake, right?) And not to be crass, but the Heath Ledger mourning period can officially end.

My awards:

Best Dressed: Before awarding, I have to say I was entirely underwhelmed by everything on the red carpet. Nude, white, beige...they all blended together into one big boring color palatte. Of all the gowns I only gasped once -- Marissa Tomei. It was white without being boring, the pleating was perfect. It was both classic and eclectic enough for her. Other positives were Natalie Portman (Color! Thank you!) and Miley Cyrus, very ethereal and age appropriate.

Worst Dressed:  Amy Adams. Was the piping navy or black? And when the piping is overshadowed by what can only be described as a fabric boob flap, does it matter? (Please note, Jessica Biel is disqualified from consideration – despite her obvious spot on the list – since she has no reason to be at the Oscars, unless it’s to get JT there in a tux.)

Worst Trend: Boring non-colors! Even Taraji P. Henson, who can wear her some damn white, muted it with ivory in a slightly nicer version of the tiered look that we’ve seen everywhere since the BCBG pink concoction made it’s way to weddings everywhere in 2004. Penelope Cruz did boring color too– vintage. But vintage boring. See, at the globes it was crisp white and it worked. Toning that down to this cream business just doesn’t work.

Second Worst Trend: Thinking that draping silver sequins all over your killer bod makes a fashion statement. We indulged Emily Blunt in this for the Globes and look where it got us – Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Aniston, etc.

Best Hair: Amanda Seyfried and her Veronica Lake waves.

Worst Hair: Melissa Leo, who decided to celebrate her career pinnacle by using Reba McIntyre’s stylist from the Fancy tour.

Getting Old, Too Fast: Phoebe Cates and Kevin Kline. The Anniversary Party wasn’t that long ago, what happened? It can’t be helped by Phoebe’s kimono style that wouldn’t flatter a much thinner lady.

Worst Part About Starting Pre-Shows at 5 p.m.: The interviews with the documentary producers and Joey Fatone tripping over himself to ask, what it FEELS like. And oh yeah -- Keisha Whittacre is not a celeb.

Best Jewelry:  Heidi Klum, I loved the overdone stacked bangles and cool earrings.

Worst Jewelry: Taraji P. Henson. The necklace was just too much. It distracted from her instead of highlighting her.

Cutest Damn Thing: Those kids from Slumdog Millionaire getting Meryl Streep’s autograph.

Worst Presenter: Robert Pattinson. Yes, we get it. You are too cool for everything. Don’t worry, in four more years we won’t invite you anymore.

Best Presenter: Steve Martin, always dry and charming.

Why the Hell Are you Here Presenting?: Tina Fey, now you’ve overdone it. You were charming and actually gorgeous with Steve Martin, but I was just thinking how I was happy not to see your damn face winning multiple (deserved) awards for 30 Rock when you showed up here for no good reason whatsoever.

Best Speech: Sean Penn. What a charmingly self-aware liberally good looking share the wealth kind of guy he came off as. (also, the guy who said “domo origato, mr. roboto”)

Most Annoying Guest: S. J. Puh. Leeze. I’ve officially hit the tipping point with Carrie Bradshaw and her faux niceties. That dress is a total redux of a million we’ve seen on her before. And she isn’t 20 anymore. I was thinking about how Robert Downey Jr. was in the audience and they lived together in the 80s!! You have lived a life and don’t need to act like some damn ingénue who just “golly gee, so happy to be here, so happy to get these arms without working out and don’t you just love the way this haute couture dress twirrrrls!”

Best Hooters: Viola Davis. Very nice.

Most Distracting Hooters: I do not care for the Kate Winslet look at all, I thought the color was boring and the cut was dowdy and unflattering. Most of all, I have a total pet peeve of unsymmetrical boobs and hers were as lopsided as can be with different adornments on each – as if they were heading to separate post-awards parties or something. Also, her hair was boring.

Most Back: Beyonce

Most Disappointing:  Frida Pinto had done so well that somehow her blue was a disappointment. I liked the neckline a little but thought she could have played up her figure more.

Best Dressed Man: Call me crazy, I thought Rourke brought it.

Worst Tanning Application: Natalie Portman, who’s face and neck were of different ethnicities.

Best Performance: Queen Latifah, I love that song

Best Looking Couple: Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn,with her legs up to there. Why isn’t she in anything anymore?  She was chic in the sleek black backless and stood out among all the fluff.

Most Improved: Meryl Streep finally wore a dress. One I’m pretty sure we’ve seen before, but, that’s OK. And Angelina Jolie. I still think she’s a homewrecking sour puss. But at least she smiled a little bit and didn’t show up wearing a sheet. Backwards.

Most Delusional: Miley  Cyrus mentioning that she plans to be at the Oscars next year for Hannah Montana because it’s much different than people expect.

Biggest Sign the Future of Our Nation Is in Trouble: The one brain cell shared between Zac and Vanessa that can only seem to blankly repeat“amazing!” over and over.

Best Montage: Love the Love montage!!!

Best Joke: James Franco watching himself make out.

Most Curious Joke: For as liberal as Sean Penn is, he sure makes that “look at how I pretended to be gay!” kind of joke a lot, with an assist from Deniro here.

Most Disturbing Joke: Ben Stiller as Joaquin Phoenix. I thought it was funny (if too long) but am starting to feel like maybe it’s not that funny that Joaquin’s clearly on drugs, self destructing on TV and all anyone does about it is say “watch this clip – he’s so weird!” Just two years ago he almost left with an Oscar and now he’s just a punchline. Just seems like if he is not pulling an elaborate joke, the kid’s gonna die soon and we might all feel like douches when we say we wish there would have been some signs. But Ben was funny. And I loved even more that Reese tried to have Joaquin’s back by making fun of Stiller. (That is what happened, right?)

Gone, Already Forgotten: Marianne Cotilliard, so gorgeous. So forgettable.

Oddest Omission of the Standing O: Jerry Lewis. Sure the montage of his comedy was painful, but you stood for Goldie and Whoopie, but not him??

That’s it for me – what did you think?

 

High Five!

I was going to let Ryan Seacrest's embarrassingly hanging "high five" to the blind contenstant go. But they brought it up at A Socialite's Life first, so fair game, right?

Poor Ryan. His job is so hard! He's not allowed to make out with bikini girls even when they attack him. He has to act equally sympatetic to the duds and the real contestants. And no one told him the blind guy wouldn't see the high five!

What Comes Around Goes Around

Three things I loved, then hated, but now love again.

 

1 – Tom Cruise. OK, love is too strong. But I’m back on his side. I’m not quite sure when it happened, I suspect that my instinct for contradiction just kicked in somewhere around year two of the anti-Cruise campaign, and then escalated with the Tropic Thunder release and hit a plateau with the “I’m a nice guy” PR tour of late last year. (I believed him!) He hasn’t said anything truly crazy in a while, and what craziness he does have is pretty much limited to his religion. So it feels sort of weird for hating him for that.  His kid is cute and at this point, Katie is to blame for her own alleged unhappiness – she is still with him after all. Yes, he’s smug and a bit creepy. But he’s still Jerry Maguire you guys!

 

2 – ER. I bowed out of Grey’s Anatomy before the Denny-Izzy ghost affair fiasco. Back then it was just Alex and crazy new face lady and Mere/Der on and off again and Christina being annoyingly bitchy and Izzy being annoyingly schmaltzy, and ENOUGH ALREADY. And it was quite by accident that I actually watched ER again: one night I was one of those people who was literally too lazy to change the channel. (File me away with the Jay Leno audience.) And here’s the funny thing. ER was good. It was basic. It was a hospital drama where people were sick or hurt and doctors fixed them up. With some snappy dialogue and lessons learned along the way. Its simplicity was like a throwback to an easier time, a time when doctors didn’t turn lesbian on a dime and dead people didn’t come back to fornicate with lost loved ones.  Angela Bassett and John Stamos were easy to like (and easy on the eyes). And now I’m back in for the (dramatic voice) “final season of one of our most beloved shows.” Full disclosure – it was one of my most beloved shows not too long ago. I stayed loyal as long as Noah Wyle was in the mix and for a little while after. But they made Maura Tierney’s character such a downer (and such a central piece) that I drifted away. Today’s version is not really perfect – the Sam character has replaced Abby as the show’s Debbie Downer of a heroine. But it’s entertaining. And it hasn’t once made me want to throw something through the TV.

 

3 – Days of Our Lives. OK, this one is premature. But I only had two for this post topic and I recently saw a Days commercial and thought I should start Tivo’ing it for John and Doc’s final days. And part of me knows that the minute I do that I’m back in forever. I originally quit because I felt that their crazy devil possessed burying people alive alien visiting twin sister stealing antics were giving soaps a bad name. I still do think that. But I also appreciate a good melodramatic goodbye when I see one coming.

Salem

here I come!

The Globes

Thank God it’s back! I love the Golden Globes: booze-filled, non-sensical but with occasionally amazing outfits. And oh yeah - awards! Here are my thoughts.

The Winners – Maybe I’m just paying a little less attention than usual, but I feel like there are a few less foregone conclusions than we have had in the last few years. And I love getting to the Oscars and not knowing for sure what’s going to happen.

Best Actor – I’m officially on board the Mickey Rourke comeback train. I love a good underdog story of redemption, and he’s just the right mix of contrite and deserving...yet eccentric enough to keep you on the edge of your seat. And his speech was far more interesting than most of what we’ve seen.

Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress – The Globes did Kate Winslet no favors last night! I believe that everyone likes Kate Winslet and wants her to win an Oscar. Probably more than they want, say, Anne Hathaway, with her terrible brides movies, too prominent features and terrible terrible taste in men, to win an Oscar. But whenever there’s a double nominee, the voters need some signal to tell them which of the two awards the nominee should win.  By winning both, voters didn’t get that signal at all, which may result in split vote mayhem and yet another Lucci situation for Kate.  Her hope at this point is that they ignore The Reader and just give her the one best actress nomination so she doesn't split her votes. All that said – the speeches. I don’t understand how she couldn’t pull it together. It was borderline distressing for the second award. My only hope is that she was hammered because after winning the first time she decided no way she was winning both, let loose and started slamming tequila shooters.  Either way, both of the speeches were not what I expected – too emotional, without focus and filled with awkward pauses. There were two things that were great though – 1. she is so in love with Leo. I don’t blame her, but it's a little obvious, and kind of sad when her seemingly septegenerian husband has to look on.  And – 2. She dissed Angelina so hard! Whether she meant to or not. And Angie no likey. Loved that!

Supporting Actor – Look, I’m not heartless. But it’s been almost a year since Heath Ledger died. And while his performance was amazing in the Dark Knight, it bothers me a bit that there is not another option out there. Has anyone else even ever had a chance at this? All I know is that by the time the Oscars roll around I’ll be glad to see the last standing ovation so that everyone can really move on.

Best Picture – I’m super behind. I’ve only seen Benjamin Button. I will get up to speed, but one thing is clear: Slumdog Millionaire has to be #1 on my list.

The Clothes

Yay! Some really horrendous ass-y looking clothes, for the first time in a long time! Thank you Renee Zellwegerfor showing up looking totally ridiculous! Cut out shoulders? With blonde tendrils atop the head? Disastrous. Did we learn nothing from Gwyneth Paltrow's early 2000's cutlet crisis? If her Alexander McQueen/french braids outfit taught us anything, its that black mesh should never combine with a nude bodice. Ever!

Also disastrous? Whatever terrible wig shop Drew Barrymore stopped by on her way to the show. Her hair was so bad that it is truly impossible to notice how truly ethereal  and pretty that dress was.  Also making it even harder to see Drew's dress was her odd handholding attachment to Jessica Lange, who rocked an older look but shouldn’t be sporting a belted waist at this stage.

Not quite rocking an older look: Glenn Close. How horrible was that pantsuit? The gold brocade jacket was so boxy and old lady looking. And pegged gold pants? It was all without redemption, but making it worse was her hair color. Such a platinum, nearly white color with such an old lady outfit? This is much closer to Blanche Devoraux than the snazzy professional lady she’s been playing on Damages. (Although even Blanche would not sport that Sophia-esque hair color.)

Another fashion don’t: Debra Messing. That terrible ponytail didn’t distract enough from the dress. The halter was so thick and 80s, and it made her flat ness more prounounced than usual. (Also more pronounced -- her nose with that make up job).

Angelina – thanks for gracing us with your presence. But wearing the same boring shapeless silhouette, again, and the nude color, it’s like you can’t even be bothered with it. And we are so over you.

Then there’s J Lo. I really liked La Lopez’s get up…in 2000, when we first saw it. I fear that she thought Ben A. was going to pull up in his Bentley time machine and whisk her away from her tired life with Marc Anthony. She may even have settled for P Diddy and the built in excitement of gun charges in exchange for a  yacht emblazoned with Louis Vuitton logos. But, lo siento La Lopez, too much time has passed.

Looking better, in my opinion, was Kate Beckinsale. I loved the structure of the white dress and she rocked it. Also rocking white in a very non-bridal way was Eva Mendes. I loved the turquoise necklace and the surprising bow at the side.  Finally, Sandra Bullock’s dress flowed so well and fit her like a glove. I can’t pick a winner in white because they were all so pretty. (I was less enamored of Salma Hayek's white, I thought it was too tight and not that interesting.) 

Red was gorgeous but sort of boring on Eva Longoria. I liked Kyra Sedgwick’s version better, with the structured bubble train. It doesn’t hurt that she’s got such a fabulous bod.

I couldn’t get over the great blue dress on Jennifer Morrison, it might just be my favorite. Her House co-star Olivia Wilde took a risk in the pink poof, and she wore it well. I liked Cameron’s bright pink, which created a perfect beach-y vibe in contrast with the black/white/nude business of everyone else.

Young Miley Cyrus was age appropriate and pretty for the teen set. I wasn’t so keen on Hayden Panettiere and her boring boob-squashing strapless.

As for the men – loved the gray ties on Rainn Wilson and Keifer Sutherland. Collin Farrell continues to clean up well.  And McDreamy remains so even if his show is totally over. But – you know it’s coming – there’s only one Leo. Made for the cut of a tux, the man simply can’t be beat.

Quick Run Down of my Awards:

Best Dressed: Jennifer Morrison and Eva Mendes

Worst Dressed: Renee Zellweger. No competition.

Best Dressed Man: Leonardo Dicaprio

Worst Dressed Man: Ashton Kutcher

Worst Facial Hair: Sting

Sexiest Woman: Megan Fox and Beyonce

Most Likely to Have Shopped at David’s Bridal: Christina Applegate

Most Likely to Have NO Innate Fashion Sense: Jenna Fischer

Most Disappointing: Amy Adams

Most Improved: Evan Rachel Wood

Most Inappropriate Dress for Someone Without Cleavage: Tina Fey

Pointiest Rack: America Ferarra

Squashiest Rack: Hayden Panettiere

Most Disturbingly Bouyant Rack: Miley Cyrus

Needed One More Inch in the Dress (or one more pre-show colonic): Blake Lively

Best Speech: Tracy Morgan

Worst Speech: Kate Winslet

Worst Hair: Drew Barrymore

Look That I Should HATE but Don’t: Marisa Tomei

Biggest Red Carpet Waste of Time: Rumer Willis

Worst Sense of her Own Coloring: Rumer Willis

Strangest Comment: "I am a tranny." Megan Fox

The New Niner

     I sort of love the new niner. At first I was very "Scarlett" about the whole issue -- not going to see or even talk of this foolishness created by imposters. But then Jennie Garth got involved. And I really love me some Kelly Taylor. So I become cautiously interested and optimistic. I tried to ignore the Tori drama and didn't really believe that Brenda could be back. Mostly, I was happy that Joe E. Tata would live to act another day. Then I read the Entertainment Weekly cover story with Jennie and Shannen, and I got butterflies remembering how much I loved 90210 and -- could it really be back???

The answer: sort of. First I'll review as if it's nothing more than a Gossip Girl clone. And in that respect, it's pretty good. The leads are pretty likable, Annie is darling and Dixon will probably be OK. Rob Estes and Lori Laughlin are two favorites. Lucille Bluth? Duh. Silver is cute but the blog will get annoying. Only complaints are that there are not truly hot studly guys and Naomi is not really that pretty, is she? Or is she? I can't tell. But I liked it. And it moves like 90210 on crack. There were 5 very special episodes worth of crap going on there last night -- stealing drug money, cheating boyfriend, adopted adult children, trips to san fran, grandma's in car accidents, cheating on papers ... and the pranks!

But as an update of the real Niner? It did OK there too. I actually like that the old references are mixed casually with the new. Yes, I get that they don't want to give us all the information because they want to keep us guessing (who's the father of kelly's baby? where is everyone else??). But it's sort of been natural and cute. I don't mind the cheesy-ness of the Nat / Brenda reunion. And I LOVE that Silver ends up being Erin Silver. Because - duh! (And I also love the random insert of Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez, though am perplexed about how Jesse and Andrea are still in Beverly Hills. They are both from the other side of the tracks!)

Basically, the show did what it needed to do--it got me interested enough in these kids' stories that I'll keep coming back for more, and it hasn't made me angry with the treatment of the older folks either. (but who is the father of kelly's baby? and where is everyone else? -- these better be handled with care.)

Next week: Jackie! Yay!

Renny on Big Brother is Dumb. And I'm Surprised. What does that say about me?

 Renny is really stupid. She wants April out of the house. Everyone else wants April out of the house. It was an easy week with a no brainer vote for everyone. After last week, she had basically fallen into a pretty decent little alliance. True, they would turn on her first, but she also has fewer enemies in either camp and wouldn’t be a target for anyone. All she had to do was nominate April and Ollie and pretend she was with her alliance, and she’d get out pretty scott free. Instead, she asserted her independence by teasing that

Memphis

or Dan could go home; telling Dan repeatedly that she “likes Ollie”; and just basically refusing to let them think that they had any sway over her. Honestly even if she wanted to put Jerry up instead of Ollie, she could have given a good reason for it not alienated her “alliance” by just pretending she cared what they thought.

 

Where did this woman get the idea that independent thought is a virtue in this game?? You can have it, but why the hell demonstrate it when you want people to trust you?

 

Beyond that, you don’t use your time as HOH to try and build alliances (Michelle). People will tell you anything then – you have all the power!  

 

So now –

Memphis

, Dan and Keesha basically won’t trust her and

Memphis

and Dan actually have reason to think they should vote her out. And the end result is the EXACT same – April will be gone. Only now she doesn’t have as good of friends as she had before and has made herself a target when she truly didn’t need to do so! (And she thinks she was “shaking things up”. Ridiculous!)

Reality Really Does Bite

In college there were a couple of movies that got played on my roommate and I’s TV over and over and over again. And while Point Break never loses it charm, I’m afraid Reality Bites isn’t holding up very well. I’m the first to admit it was always flawed and featured way too much pontificating, but the great lines and Ethan Hawke  “All I Want is You” lovefest made it a bit of a masterpiece. Unfortunately I recently stumbled upon Reality Bites on a Saturday night, and the results weren’t pure joy.

At first I thought that it was just dated, because let’s face it, the clothes and pop culture reference were jarringly 90s. But unfortunately it’s more than that.

Winona -- First off, Winona Ryder is really irritating. I don’t think that it has always been so, but I’m not committed enough to do the deeper research required to decide. (If anyone else wants to take on a 90s Netflix night of Mermaids, Dracula and Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael, go for it.) But in Reality Bites, she’s got this quirky delivery and her line readings fall totally flat. Like maybe things are supposed to be jokes but aren’t? She’s kind of bad.

The Whining -- Beyond Winona, all these characters are really irritating. In between all the funny quotable lines is this angsty drama that’s super lame. I mean maybe it is just me, but I don’t remember looking longingly into the sky because I was so worried about AIDS throughout 1993.  And while I was saddened of Robert Reed’s death, his dying of AIDS didn’t signify the end of my innocence like it seemingly did for this melodramatic group of idiots. And it’s not just the AIDS worry. It’s the whiny what am I going to do with my life of it all that, on the other side of 30, I have zero patience for.  About five minutes in I wanted to shake all of these people and tell them to get a fucking job and quit their complaining. (The whole portrayal of post-college ambivalence was really embarrassing to me. God forbid some future generation rents this movie and thinks it represents my youth.)  The stealing of the dad’s gas card money no longer seems clever. It seems like a spoiled little brat move by someone who was too entitled to take a job at the Gap. It didn’t just annoy me, it pissed me off. And then feeling this way…well it made me feel very old and uncool. And I was watching TBS all alone on a Saturday night. I didn’t need more help in that department.

Troy -- But that isn’t even the most disappointing thing about re-watching Reality Bites.  The worst part is that I’m so far on the other side I can no longer even SEE the appeal of Ethan Hawke’s Troy. (I say Troy, because as a lover of Before Sunrise and even more, Before Sunset, I still get why we had it for Ethan in general.) But TROY – Troy is the guy you dated that was so cool back then, but now you look back and just can’t understand what you were thinking. The greasy hair, the too-cool-to-shower, condescending I’m smart because I’m literary, I don’t need a real job and in fact will continue to get fired for stealing snickers because I’m such a rebel guy. What then was intriguing and hot, now just screams LOSER at the top of its lungs. The Other Guy in this scenario of course is Ben Stiller’s Michael, who’s positioned as sell-out corporate schmuck because he has a nice car, can afford plane tickets and has a real job – but listens to crappy music. Was that what we were supposed to think? Because all I thought was, this guy’s got it together, and every diatribe against him and his actual JOB makes this Troy character even less appealing. I know – that was the point of the movie: smart choice versus dumb one but it is what’s in your heart matters etc. But I don’t buy it. I just don’t buy for one second that anyone would choose Troy, who again, wasn’t that cute because he probably SMELLED and – oh by the way – was also a total dick, over Michael. Or that I would have actually rooted for her to choose Troy. But I know I did back in the olden days of loving this movie. 

I know, I’m being pretty hard on the movie and there are still some great things about it. Steve Zahn, PFLAG, “All I Want is You,” In Your Face TV, and even David Spade, etc.…but I’ll never watch it and love it again, except with nostalgia for the younger me that wouldn’t have been mad at the slackers for calling the psychic friends network and then charging it to daddy. That kind of makes me sad.